Again
by EmeraldDragonxo
Summary: [And yet he would do it all over again just to love her.] Nalu.


**Pairings: **Natsu Dragneel X Lucy Heartfilia with mentions of other pairings.

**Timeline: **Alternate Universe, modern day

**Warnings: **Angst and tragedy with a smidge of fluff and odd happenings mixed in. Slight OOC, sorry about that.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fairy Tail

**Authors Note: **(╯°Д°）╯︵ ┻━┻

* * *

"_I'll miss you more than you'll ever know."_

* * *

Grinning from ear to ear, Natsu set the last of his boxes down on the kitchen island and glanced at the high stacks in his new townhouse. His sisters Erza and Wendy sat on the couch with heavy sighs. Their husbands, Jellal and Romeo respectively, joined them and waited for Natsu to say something.

Natsu bent and scratched his Russian blue cat behind the ears, trying to find the right words. "We can thank Gray for the cactus."

Erza rolled her eyes while Romeo and Wendy attempted to smother their giggles. The cactus was three feet high and gave Jellal, Erza and Natsu a great deal of grief in their struggle to get it up the stairs. In fact, Jellal still had a few cactus needles in his clothes. Gray, in his infinite wisdom, decided to get his 'best friend' a cactus for his new place and despite Natsu's strong desire to be rid of the thing, Gray threatened him to make sure he still had it in his place the next day.

"_Yes_ well it's been a very long day and I want to get home," Erza said, getting to her feet. She dusted off her sweater and smiled. "Besides, I don't know how much longer I want Ichigo and Ruka with Mirajane." Natsu laughed boisterously.

"With Freed there I'm sure they're fine," Jellal reasoned, though he followed Erza's lead. Romeo snickered. Jellal shot the younger man a look but nevertheless said nothing.

The red headed woman clicked her tongue, "We'll see you tomorrow, Natsu. I anticipate that you'll have strawberry cake?" Her tone left no room for argument. Natsu's smile grew and his waved his hand in agreement. Erza nodded and left with Jellal.

Romeo hopped to his feet, lacing his hands behind his head. "'Suppose we'll head out now, eh Wendy?" He held his hand out to help Wendy off the couch.

Natsu's sister twisted her short hair around her finger. "See you tomorrow, Natsu-nii!" Natsu waved, watching his sister and husband leave his new place. As they shut the door behind them, he sagged against the counter, spent. The sun was setting, staining the sky a dark, burnt orange with streaks of red clouds.

He sank to the floor, holding his hand out for Happy. Happy rubbed his soft head against Natsu's palm.

"It's an okay place, hey buddy?" Happy meowed, purring loudly into Natsu's hand. Natsu chuckled quietly, glancing around at all the boxes left to unpack. Although Jellal, Erza, Wendy and Romeo help him unpack mostly everything, there was still quite a bit of stuff left. Natsu figured he'd probably shove it under the stairs until he needed them.

A quick rapt at the door startled him – and Happy. Happy hissed and skittered up the stairs. Natsu jumped up and opened the door, blinking with a furrowed brow.

It's not every day a gorgeous blonde came knocking at his door. She wore a white, turtle neck sweater which did little to hide her voluptuous curves.

"Hi," she said in a sweet voice, "I live next door and I just wanted to welcome you to the neighbourhood before I headed out. Sorry – should I have brought muffins?"

Natsu grinned, a bit of his confusion ebbing away from his face, "Nah, it's all good." He held out his hand. "I'm Natsu."

She stared at his hand for a moment before shaking his hand with a radiant smile on her face. "Lucy." She let her hand fall. "Well I should get going but it was nice to meet you. I'll see you around?"

He nodded, "Yeah." Lucy stepped back, waving and ambling down the stairs and disappearing around the building.

A curious look crossed his face before he shut the door, suddenly anticipating the next time he'll see Lucy.

* * *

He saw her sooner than he thought he would have. They next day, he ran into her outside of his townhouse. She was just sitting on the steps, scribbling furiously in her notebook and chewing on her lower lip. Natsu hesitated at the steps, before shrugging and continuing his way up.

"Hey," she greeted without sparing him a glance. Natsu grinned, setting his grocery bags down on the step in front above.

"Yo." Lucy tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear before she finally looked at him with big brown eyes. A smile tugged at her lips.

"Are you just going to stand there? Your milk might go bad in this heat," she teased. While she talked, she closed her notebook and slid the pen in the metal rings. The cover looked worn and kinda of old.

His dark eyes sparkled. "It _might _go bad but it hasn't," he sang, getting his groceries once again to finish the job he set out earlier that morning to complete. Twenty frozen pizzas with chips and dip should be good enough for his guests. (And one strawberry cake at the request of his demon sister.)

Lucy hopped off the step, holding the notebook behind her as she languidly made her way down the steps. "Enjoy your evening."

Natsu frowned, wondering what he did to cause her to clam up so quickly. "Do you want to come?" he blurted.

She paused, inclining her head back. "Sure – if you don't mind I mean."

Natsu shrugged. "I don't mind at all."

For a moment, he anticipated her turning him down. "See you tonight, Natsu." She nodded once in his general direction and left. Natsu hummed to himself and went inside.

* * *

"This place is cramped," Gray complained for the fourth time, squished between his wife and brother on the love seat. Juvia clutched Gray's arm, snuggling closer to him while Lyon _purposely _leaned heavier on Gray than either of them were used too. It didn't help that Lyon's wife, Meredy, was nestled on Lyon's lap. Gray and Juvia's children hid with Lyon and Meredy's children on the stairs to avoid their parents disgusting displays of affection.

Natsu rolled his eyes, "It's not my couch's fault Juvia's clingy, Ice-prick."

_If _Gray had a free arm he probably would have shaken his fist at Natsu in way that might have been threatening if they lived in a cartoon. Natsu stuck his tongue out at Gray and moved along.

Quite a few more of Natsu's friends showed up that he hadn't been expecting. Sting and his wife, Yukino, Hibiki and Jenny – even Rogue and his girlfriend Kagura… although, Natsu mused, he shouldn't have been shocked. Wherever Sting went, Rogue went and vice versa.

Erza had parked herself down at the island, dividing the strawberry cake between herself and her children. Jellal hovered behind his ravenous family with a helpless expression on his face. Wendy, Romeo and their daughter watched with equally horrified faces as the Fernandes family devoured a cake. Why, _Wendy _of all people was shocked however was a wonder in its own right considering she grew up with Erza.

Laxus and Cana passed a bottle of whiskey between themselves while their twin boys embarrassedly observed them from a distance. (Natsu has always been curious about just how drunk Cana must have been to name her sons Jack and Daniel.) Freed was seated closer to Laxus than his own wife, Mirajane, but that wasn't really any different than usual. Their three kids sat with Jack and Daniel, attempting to coax some kind of reaction out of the boys.

Gajeel, Levy and their children Keisuke and Galena occupied the TV though Gajeel fought with Elfman over the channel. Evergreen scolded her husband with open frustration while their two children sat over with their Aunt Lisanna, Uncle Bickslow and cousin Hana.

In all honesty, Natsu was genuinely shocked about how many people fit into his townhouse. He was also bothered by the fact that he was getting closer to thirty every day and didn't have his own family. (Excluding his sisters.) Natsu was evicted from his last place because he snuck Happy in without permission.

Just as Natsu was about to give up hope that Lucy would show up, a knock at the door relit his hopes. Jellal answered it before Natsu had time to cross the short distance to the door. He let out a heavy sigh of relief when Lucy was awkwardly greeted by his brother-in-law. Natsu shoved Jellal out of the way.

"Hey," he grinned.

A tentative smile grew on her mouth. "I'm beginning to think that's all you know how to say."

"Hey," he repeated, drawing her into the crowded townhouse by the elbow.

Happy hissed at her and darted upstairs. Lucy blinked, honestly stunned by the cat's reaction.

Natsu gave a shrug, "Sorry about that, Happy's not used to strangers." Lucy's eyes lingered on the staircase a moment longer before her shimmering brown eyes returned to his face.

"It's fine." Natsu's eyes narrowed a smidge before he shook off whatever it was bothering him and introduced her around the room.

She got along well with pretty much everyone in the room, much to Natsu's delight. He wouldn't admit it to a single person in the room, but he was almost glad to have Lucy there. There was something about her that drew a person in a refused to let go. When she talked you'd want to listen to whatever she had to say for hours. By the captivated expressions on the faces of his friends and family, she had that look on everyone in the room too.

"Is she your girlfriend, Uncle Natsu?" Ruka, Jellal and Erza's seven year old daughter, asked, tugging on his hand while Lucy adamantly discussed books with Levy.

Natsu reddened. "No."

His simple answer spurred giggles from his niece. She winked at him inconspicuously and skipped back over to her brother to whisper in his ear. Natsu groaned, knowing it was only a matter of time before the kids and most of the adults in the room would suspect Natsu of having a girlfriend.

He _just _met the woman yesterday for fuck's sake.

Although, as he watched Lucy talk with Juvia and Juvia's children, he briefly considered having a girlfriend wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Nah.

* * *

"We haven't seen each other in a while," Lucy commented, leaning against the railing of their connected balcony. The only thing separating Natsu and Lucy was a wooden gate. Natsu rolled the cigar between his fingers, glancing sideways at her.

"It's probably because you're so weird and never around," he replied, taking a long drag on the cigar. He blew the smoke out in a deep breath.

Lucy cupped her chin in her palm, a sweet laugh rolling off her tongue. "You're probably right."

He knew for a fact though that she had dinner with Juvia the other day and went out shopping with Levy every few days. He _wasn't _jealous; just a little offended she was spending less time around him. He's known her for about two months now and aside from a few brief conversations on the stairs, he hasn't seen her.

She peaked at him out of the corners of her eyes. "I didn't know you smoked."

"I don't," Natsu said, flicking the ash off his cigar, "I just have a cigar once in a while to unwind."

"Ahhh," she breathed in understanding. Neither one of them said much more. With his back to the setting sun, he watched his shadow creep further up his house. Lucy's eyes remained on the sun set.

Lucy lazed against the railing, resting her cheek on her folded arms. "I enjoy spending time with you."

"Me too," Natsu responded without hesitation. They shared a mysterious smile as the sun set behind them.

* * *

The second time Natsu held Lucy's hand – and this time for real and not just some crummy handshake – was a week or so later while they were out. The event in question wasn't even that exciting, just a sakura blossom viewing parade that Magnolia held every year, but it _was _the first year Natsu didn't go with his sisters' families. Erza made a big deal over him going with Lucy but he did his best to ignore her despite her best intentions.

She was walking a little fast and to prevent separation, she grabbed his wrist to drag him along the vendors. Like the natural order of things, her dainty hand wound up in his sooner or later.

The rest of the evening wasn't even that thrilling (though Gray _did _get arrested for public nudity) however, it was the most exciting thing to happen for Natsu in a long time. He didn't want the night to end.

* * *

"What do I mean to you?" Lucy inquired softly.

Natsu kicked the water's surface with his foot, almost unsure of how to answer her. His jeans were uncomfortably rolled up to his knees, exposing his somewhat hairy legs covered in pink hair.

"A lot," he finally said, peering at her through his wet bangs. Lucy's own wet clothes clung to her body. Minutes before, Natsu had attempted to shove Lucy into the lake only he hadn't anticipated her dragging him with her.

Lucy dragged her toe languidly over the water. "What does that mean?"

"You're… precious to me," he decided, struggling over the words in his head. Lucy trembled. "I guess that means you're the world to me."

Horror flashed across her face as if she hadn't thought that would be his answer. She swallowed repeatedly before chocking out, "I don't want to hurt you."

Natsu's eyes fell to his folded hands. He knew so much about her yet a part of him couldn't help but feel he really didn't know a thing about her. There was so much he didn't know that it overthrew everything he did know about her. Lucy was secretive but she knew everything there was to know about him; which _frightened _him considering how big of a role she was beginning to play in his life.

"You can't hurt me – just stay with me," he whispered hoarsely. He almost couldn't bear to look at her again.

She mumbled something under her breath and touched his shoulder. A moment passed before he glimpsed up at her. Tears streamed down her face and he held his breath, fearing for the worst. His stomach twisted into knots.

"Okay," Lucy promised in a slightly strangled voice. "I'll stay with you – forever."

When he kissed her, he tried to forget the tears on her face or the sob in her voice.

* * *

It wasn't meant to last.

Natsu knew that – how could he not? But god above be dammed did he ever want it to last. He wanted her promises about forever to be good and true but even that wasn't enough when the truth finally came out. He thought he would have seen it coming but even when she admitted it out loud, he was still blindsided by it.

They held each other under the sakura tree in the park, gazing at the star splattered sky. The park was mostly quiet, excluding the few crickets and the rustle of the tree branches. Lucy's cool breath fanned along his collar bone.

"I'm dead." Lucy spoke gently, without much hesitancy to her voice. Natsu's grip on her shoulder tightened. "Though I guess you already knew that…"

"From the moment Happy hissed at you I knew something was wrong…" Natsu admitted, his hold slackening from her. Lucy shifted, moving her legs underneath herself and faced him.

She took a deep breath and her story spilled from her lips. "About a month before you moved in, I was murdered in the townhouse next to yours. There's not much more to know except that I was killed because of a botched robbery in my home. My spirit _couldn't_ leave earth and go to heaven until I could accomplish my reason for moving to Magnolia…" Her voice had been impossibly quiet the whole story. Natsu held his breath, waiting for her to finish. "I could go to heaven until I made friends. I never once had a friend in my life and my spirit refused to move on until I made some."

Lucy's eyes watered. "I _used _you, Natsu. From the very beginning I've been using you so I could go to heaven." Tears dribbled down her cheeks; her lip quivered. "I _used_ you," she repeated.

Natsu scrutinised her, feeling as though his insides were being torn to shreds this very moment. "You're lying to me. You haven't been using me because if you aren't, you wouldn't be crying right now."

Lucy's shoulders sank and her hands held her face. Her body shook. "You're right – I was just trying to make you hate me. Natsu, don't you see? I was never supposed to fall in love with you. I'm a _ghost_."

"I don't care," Natsu declared, fighting his own urge to cry. "I _love _you Luce and nothing will change that." His nose was burning and his throat felt choked.

"You _can't_," she wailed, meeting his eyes. "Natsu you should have never fallen in love with me. I should have left you alone instead of talking to you months ago."

"Why?" he cried, desperation filling him. "Why are you saying this? We still have time!"

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest, curling into herself. "Natsu… my time is almost up. I've made friends – I have no reason left to be here." She spoke between her sobs with such seriousness and he was beginning to believe her.

"I'm your reason," he whispered brokenly.

"But for God, that's not reason enough," Lucy answered, blinded by her tears. She unfurled from herself. "I'm sorry, Natsu…"

He stared at her with watery black eyes. "Don't leave me Luce – I don't know what I'll do without you."

Lucy roughly wiped her tears, smiling, though she was having a difficult time keeping it happy. "I was never yours to begin with." She took a shuddering breath. "I love you, Natsu Dragneel, with all my heart and soul. I just wish I was alive to show you how much I love you."

Natsu's eyes widened. "No," his voice cracked, "no – Luce no."

"Goodbye." Lucy smiled, pouring her love for him in that final word. Natsu threw his arms around her, in a fleeting attempt to keep her with him, yet he held nothing. She was gone. He clutched his hand, howling in his anguish. His throat was raw.

He had never felt like this before – this agony tearing his insides apart had nothing to be compared to. Fireflies danced around his head, as if to mock him. Natsu punched the ground, cursing fate for taking her away before she could have even been his.

And yet he would do it all over again just to love her.

* * *

**Gah**, angsty Natsu is the hardest freaking thing to write. We all know this is how he'd act if Lucy ever died *again*. Then again, having Natsu fall in love with ghost Lucy was interesting and difficult to write. I still don't think I did this story justice (what with that ending and everything) but a part of me is satisfied with it. And that part is rather strong so… thanks for reading! (Was it obvious she was dead or was it totally surprising? I tried to make it somewhat obvious but I don't know, it came off as more _cancery_ than I wanted...)

~Emerald~


End file.
